It has been a while. After my 31 portraits, I decided to take a sabbatical and rest for a while. I was really getting burnt out. Not only with art, but with a lot of other things. 2020 is just depressing and exhausting.
But somehow, I crawled out of my deep cave and came out with a few paintings. It was tough but I finally managed to break its deep bonds slowly. I had to spend time on my art. My studio needed love. So, I put down the Nintendo Switch, and picked up a pencil and drew.
I hated it. Being rusty, I hated everything that came out of my game addled brain. I did not like how my line art worked, and anatomy? what is that? fortnunately, the classes I taught for children on Saturdays helped jump start my brain and I finally came out with decent work.
I joined pencilvember, drew nature, used colored pencil again, abused graphites, and started to puke out sketch after sketch. of different media and work. Maybe I am back to my old speed again. Maybe soon I will be ready to paint big things again.
What I realized though, is that my art is something that I do for myself. I love when I share my art but art as a career is not for me- at least not right now. I cant think of art as a job. It ruins it. It kills my mojo. But if i start doing it as something I love, then it becomes beautiful to me. It has meaning and purpose and that is something that I need to keep in my work.
I cant work with authors breathing down my neck, but I can illustrate my own book. I dont like to commission things I do not have passion for. I don’t want to be a cookie cutter artist. i want to build and study and explore and be me. I am still healing. I am still recovering from the void of artblock
I am still scared of starting a big work.I am afraid to commit. Perhaps next month?